Hello me, or random internet citizen/lurker/STALKER!.
I’ve decided to start a wordpress blog to better appreciate my own life experiences. I wanted to do this through a more or less anonymous medium (or at least one not attached to my primary identity, nothing is truly private, and obviously not on a blog). I’m sure some internet sleuth (SLEUTHMASTER! Thanks RE2: Revelations…) will figure me out when some time in the future I say something that upsets that emotionally unstable part of the internet (ever feel like the internet is really a teenager in disguise?). I use () a lot too by the way, so get used to it. Damn stream of consciousness.
What sparked me to start blogging again? A few things. I used to do a fair number of posts on FB, but ever since starting this whole living with another person that I’m not related to, I’ve found myself greatly filtering what I say…if I say anything at all. A great long time friend of mine did note how quiet my FB feed got after my SO moved in with me. I still post stuff now and then but rarely any of the mental unloading I used to do on that general feed.
I think the most recent catalyst to really push this forward though was my observation of a certain public transportation escalator incident. Out of context I found it amusing that a shut down escalator could bring down an entire station and decided to comment. I know now the real reason for that, because that particular set is very long and breaks some code when they become stairs. That aside, most folks found it amusing (Mitchberg was a great comedian, hope I got the name right). But one did not, based on the whole handicap issue. I did my bit to give a better context and how I understood that possibility but I didn’t understand why that applied in this case since for every other outage it would just be a PA announcement, and reroute for those it actually impacts. Not even a “like”, so I’m reading that as a “I ticked someone off” that I’d rather not get on the bad side of.
After that, it occurred to me that I was starting to have to apologize for just saying what I was thinking. It seemed like suddenly I wasn’t allowed to enjoy those little moments of silliness in life without injecting all those ifs, ands, buts, exceptions, exclusions…basically having to be more and more politically correct. I’m not bad at being PC on account of the work I do, but that is when I’m in work mode.
For writing to have any use to myself, I can’t really filter what I feel. FB and most social media sites are NOT the place for unfiltered thoughts. Sad but true. Far as I’m concerned its just a place to keep up (loosely) with friends and family. But you still watch what you say.
Journaling (and that is what I’m using this site for) is more about documenting my experiences as I live it. Hopefully I can save a copy of this blog (ideally automated) so that say I ever have a kid, I can pass this off to him/her after I die (unless I get uploaded into the internet or some robot…which I would very much like to do…maybe that’ll exist before I die, and I don’t have to be a trillionaire to do it). It won’t be so much for knowing who I am, but more so to understand a (or “the” if you want to feel fancy) human experience on a more intimate level. Intimate as printed text on a screen gets (Not to discount that experience seriously, I’ve definitely touched and been touched by quite a few words on the screen in my life time).
Hopefully I stay mostly anonymous here. That or at least keep this identity separate from my other one. In that scenario I won’t mind as much if the world reads these ramblings. I still need to look into how to privatize posts but I’ll figure that out later. I started to research the various blogs…and after realizing there are a near infinite amount, I realized I was entering that “paralysis by analysis” territory. So I said fuck it, picked the popular one and went on with it. That is one problem with the Internet, and really people in general. Too many choices. Paradox of Choice as it were. Look up what it means.
I should mention I digress a lot too.
So lets end this for now on the passage from one of my favorite books that reminded me on the importance of writing. That book is “Endymion”.
“”How do I know what I think until I see what I say?” wrote some pre-Hegira writer. Precisely. I must see these things in order to know what to think of them. I must see the events turned to ink and the emotions in print to believe that they actually occurred and touched me.”