I’m not quite sure where my mind is at the moment.  Maybe this is why I write.  I gotta pin down those thoughts somehow.

Looking at my last post, poly stuff is at a bit of a standstill.  I did eventually let Page know I wasn’t interested in pursuing things beyond friends.  This happened after we met up once and made out a little towards the end. Aside from the risks of her bordering extreme kink stuff, I also had had concerns about her STI and personal health management.  Also, I’m trying not to be mean…but the teeth thing caught me off guard as well.  I just can’t get ignore it and it definitely puts a damper on the attraction side of things, and seeing as how that particular engagement was primary based out of her attracted to me…I just can’t go through with it. Her texts have become a lot less frequent now, so I think her interest is waning.  I may still end up seeing her around at faire though.  I’m not sure how that’ll go, especially if there are days I’m there alone.

I went to a poly discussion group and got to reconnect with “mel” again.  She is a genuine joy to be around and I appreciate the banter that bounces between us.  She showed interest in meeting up again.  Time will tell if there is an actual follow through on that.  I’m hoping so.

And then another confusion spot for me.  I’ve been talking with A on and off lately.  I still think about her from time to time.  The emotional insecurity is the main thing I worry about.  I also worry about how engaging with her will effect things with my wife (who was involved before) and whether that could have an impact on Mel if things ever got there.  Yeah I know, “Poly” should mean you aren’t limited to one person, but there are physical and emotional considerations beyond that.

My wife had a break down yesterday regarding failing class.  I still think her job is a big contributor to the issues she has been having.  It kind of pisses me off when a job gets all hell bent about a person arriving on time, yet doesn’t give a shit when the person has to stay late continually because of other people’s shit.  Doing a good job > punctuality…the exception being if your work type actually needs you to be there for a set time (i.e. a teacher, or support rep that is needed for coverage in a team setting).  If your work is defined by days rather than minutes/hours…doesn’t make sense to me.  It pisses me off more so when the person’s health is the price to appeasing the employer.

I did up pulling that loan.  That is the biggest credit jump I’ve ever seen.    Being on the hook for ~700 a month for the next 3 years is a bit scary.  We worked the budget so that we should be able to make good progress on nailing the rest of our debts quicker…provided nothing breaks.  If my wife can find a better paying job with an actual work/life balance, we should do well.  I still need to plan for the solo scenario though.