Someone slow down this crazy train!

10 years ago the idea of having 1 romantic relationship seemed impossible to me.  Now not only do I have more than 1 (Poly), I’m trying to manage the risk of opening several more.  W T F?

I haven’t been able to think clearly today to write a long entry, so I’m going to put this in outline format so I can reference later

 

  1. Friday, went to a social board game night that was run by a kink / play group
  2. The poly group involved with running the event(s) was really into my wife.  She got a lot of friend requests, even from people she didn’t directly meet (we basically spent all night playing Scythe).  I got 0.  I don’t particular care about people on a friends list, but that does suggest something else.
  3. We stayed up stupid late.  If we do this thing again, need a better system to let my wife know we need to GTFO.  My text to her phone, which was directly in front of her, was completely ignored because she was so engrossed in conversation.
  4. Eventually got home…slept till like noon.
  5. Mostly played Farcry Primal through sunday afternoon
  6. Had a 1 1/2 date with another poly person.  Cool chick with lots of geek creds.
  7. Ended up visiting her house and meeting her husband (metamor?).  They also have a 7 year old.  Nice people.  They also literally lived 5 minutes from us (driving).
  8. Discussed poly and some of her background after the child was put to bed.  She is interested in starting up a kitchen-style polycule.  In part due to a want for in depth relationships.  She noted they don’t really have any emergency contacts in the area outside of themselves.  They were originally from CO and CA.
  9. Learned that she is seriously sexually active.  It was interesting how matter of fact she was about it.  From a health standpoint that had me somewhat concerned.
  10. Eventually headed home.  Didn’t go to bed until very late (my sleep schedule is screwed right now).
  11. Finished Farcry primal on monday
  12. Wife was out most of the day to visit her partner.
  13. Eventually talked with my wife about my concerns, in particular around sexual health and keeping in line with our goals for any additional relationships we take on.  For that reason I’m not too keen on the kink group.  It just doesn’t feel safe, and I don’t feel comfortable with some of the control issues there.  A could be alright; however, I was a bit concerned about the “dating phase”.  Wife spoke with A, and it looks like A understands and appreciates our view point.  It also looked like she was definitely interested in starting up a relationship with either or both of us, in addition to another person (with possible add-on wife).  I plan to wait until she’s “settled” on partners, then review STI results.

 

Throughout all of this, I’d still like to see S.  Hopefully she’ll be more available after next week.   I feel a strong connection there emotionally and philosophically.  I also feel like there is a lot to learn on both sides.  I suppose part of all of this is me trying to fill in the hole Steph left behind after she passed away.  I feel the most similiar qualities in S.  Kinda weird I suppose in a way.

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Updates

Looking at my last private post…a whole lot has gone on.  The good news is the financial stuff is getting a bit better.  I did lay down a bit of a smack down that got my wife on a better track.  It still took a long time for her to find work, and get the house stuff sorted.  That was out of her control though.  She did her best and that is more than I could have asked for.  We do have a roommate now, but it is her sister with accompanying autistic child.  No rent has been incoming, though I have not forced the issue yet.  I would prefer her get her own place as soon as possible so if that means skipping out on rent, its an acceptable price.  Anyway, I’ll write more on that situation later.

 

What I need to write on now is this poly stuff and the mental well being of my wife.  It could partially be the time off of my wife’s meds, but I feel like she is bending over backwards for me to have this side thing.  If she can’t feel comfortable, that is more important to me.  It seems like if the metamor friendship is tarnished, that isn’t something that can ever really be fixed.  I wonder how possible a triad setup can even be with the sort of emotional engagement my wife needs.  Maybe not for an open relationship type setup?  The more I look at this, maybe M’s setup isn’t necessarily coming from a healthy aspect either.  She has already been open on one of the main issues there.  Aside from the fun stuff, what development as a person is there for her?

For that matter, what am I getting out of this?  A large part of me getting into this life style was to fill the hole Stephy left behind.  One of the key points of our friendships was how she challenged me, rather directly or indirectly, to be a better person.  Doing that also requires understanding my goals in life.  I’m not sure M really does.  I mean I sort of see her goals, but how serious is she about them?  Aside from that, is there any aspect about her that pushes me to be a better person?  If anything, I feel like time being spent together tends to lead to more poor uses of my time, money, and health.  I don’t like that trend.

Only other person I’m talking with is Shez.  I’ve only had the one “meetup” (date, whatever :P), and I felt a much deeper connection as two people on somewhat similar journeys.  I also felt her outgoing energy is really something I could benefit from.  Beyond that, there is a lot I can practically learn.  Hell I already discovered a whole new section of GB I never knew existed.  Her time is scarce is the main drawback.  Well that and she drinks more and smokes (cigs), but those vices feel small in comparison.  As I think on it, the scarcity of time being available may be, ironically, even more of a good thing.  I felt kind of awkward that weekend with M.  I don’t think I would want to spend another weekend just sitting around making awkward small talk.  The physical stuff, while kinda nice, is not that important.  I understand this better now in light of everything.

I’m also very sleep deprived today, so I’m not sure how sound my reasoning is at the moment.l