I think I need to stick to using gloves as the weights get heavier. Bruised up the palm of my left hand. Anyhow…
- 200m row warmup
- 10×2 squats with bar only
- 50lb 10×2
- 60lb 6×2
- 70lb 4×4
- Superset x3:
- 30 lb incline press x8
- 12lb fly x10
- Plank reverse fly 10lb
- Superset 2..4 sets:
- Pulldowns (chinup position) 160lb x8
- Rows 40lb x12
- Yellow kb upright rows 3×8 (remember to pull outwards at top)
- Yellow kb reverse dead lift 3×12
- Yellow kb side lunge 10/leg one set
- One arm squat thrust 30lb 3×8…cut short because of hand issue… switched to band
- Superset 4:
- Bosu ball side shuffle x40
- Red band looped around pillar, one knee up, press band out…core twist resist
- 10 flutter kicks, 1 leg up, repeat and increment raise 2..then 3
This morning’s session below. I’m also having a strength training session tonight. I guess I have a bit of anxiety over how I’ll do. I also rolled out my hips, glutes, and calves this morning. I should do that again this afternoon. Hips were a bit tight. Not sure if we’re doing squats or deadlifts tonight.
- High knees
- Butt kickers
- Break line
- Bear crawl forward and backwards
- Jog up hill
- End warmup
- Arm rotations, hip flexor stretch, hip thrusts…mix in push-ups or mountain climbers between.
- Circuit 1, 15 reps a station
- Rope slams with split lunges
- One leg hip thrusts with med ball
- Mountain climbers x4 with sliders, pushup
- Tire thrusts
- Circuit 2:
- Large tire flip x5
- Box jumps
- Trx squat jump
- Sled push
- Circuit 3, timed, abs:
- Use water bottle or kb for center..alternate leg 1 by 1 over item
- In and outs
- V ups
- To tune of Thunderstruck, burpees Everytime thunder is said. Squats in between.
This is the first night I’ve had a full night of sleep in a while. It definitely helps. Hopefully I can keep the home environment ideal towards that goal of consistent sleep. Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be problematic with my wife coming home late and starting the dog barking panic. I’m internally debating if I should have her pay for bark collars since it is her Tuesday night dating partner setup that is going to cause sleep issues for me. I can’t count on her to get home for normal sleeping times.
Reminds me, I still need to review our expected combined expenditures and analyze what the percentage total I’m paying for those shared expenses. While I am aware she has limitations because of her debts, the goal should be to reach a more even split on those costs. This is one of the reasons I am supporting her through school. I should not always be financially carrying that extra weight. There are plenty of things I would like to do but can’t because I give more of my time and money just to give her a shot. That should not be taken advantage of.
In other news, it looks like I am cutting things off with one potential partner. My standards are too high [JackieChanface.jpg]. This is okay. I was already feeling like there were too many people in my life. It also helped me better confirm what relationship I want to add to my life in the context of my limited time.
My reason for getting into poly was to find a way to fill in the home Stephy left behind. There were quite a few special qualities she had. One of them was how she functioned as an emotional check for me. I respected her intelliect and I felt she had a good understanding of who I was and where I was trying to get to, emotionally speaking. Sometimes those checks weren’t in my favor, but I knew they always came from a place of love. I do not get the sense this person can fill this role. Sure I’m asking for a lot and it is ok to not want to fill that role (Steph didn’t ask for it, but that was what our dynamic became… always trying to help each other find our way).
I should retool my profile to better reflect what I offer and what I’m looking for.
I’m tired. I think I feel support burn out. What support do I get? Are my relationship needs being fulfilled? Why am I always putting myself on the hook for other people? What am I getting in exchange?
I’m feeling off today. Part of it may be poor sleep due to my wife being home late. I also don’t feel I’m making good progress on my fitness goals. Work is being a bear with all the extra work. Finances are tight thanks to taxes and unexpected deductibles. For the most part I feel that I’m fighting all of these things on my own. To some degree I’m even being sabotaged by my wife, unintentionally, on some of these things. I show a lot of my love via acts of services…and that has financial implications. It also requires trust on my part in that there will be a long term win for us out of this grind.
But I’ve also seen her betray my trust a number of times. Particularly when I’m in the way of the thing she wants. I guess I need better reassurance or checks in place to make sure I’m not taken advantage of.
I’ve been having a bit of an off morning. I’m not yet sure how well I’m processing my emotions. I definitely didn’t get as much sleep as I should have. Thanks GoT. We went to my wife’s friend’s place to watch, but still needed to finish meal prep for the week ((though only have enough protein to last through Tuesday)… I had much less time as I just had too many social things going on this week.
I know if my sleep is bad, anxiety and paranoia starts to kick in. I suppose this is why I’m writing…to catch the nonsense when I write it down. It is a way to expose the darkness.
I think I should really make an effort to avoid having more than one social event a weekend. Friday night may be ok…but I really need an open Saturday or Sunday in order to get caught up.
I feel that I am in some awkward limbo state in life currently. I suppose that is better than the shitstorm of 2017.
On the finance front I was green for the first time in a long time…by a whole $35…woo. granted 2 sizable quarterly bills hit at the same time. Still, long slog ahead. I think I need to start putting serious time into my father’s coin collection. A couple other fun things caught us by surprise. Turns out our taxes somehow got put in wrong for 2016, but the letter about this issue went to our old apartment and was never forwarded to our current address. So the amount we actually owed grew. We found out this year when our entire refund got eaten with about 1300 leftover that we still owe. Our couples therapy sessions also made us feel the power of our deductible…so that’s another 500 to sort out. And my wife still has to deal with her school bills, and her loan was supposed to be deferred while she was going back to school but somehow that got restarted. She missed the email heads up. Maybe I can help with her getting that mail more organized. In general the home needs to be more organized. That does cause extra stress.
So yeah, my hopes of easily getting my CC debt cleared this year has been dashed. Maybe serious time on the coins might help.
On the poly front, I’m not sure what is going on there. The friends I’ve made are nice. My ex is still around the corner dealing with her chronic medical issues and emergencies. I did almost break down and give in to talking about the Fwb thing. I don’t miss the drama, and I don’t ever see quality companionship from her with all of her issues. But I do miss the intensity of the sex. I don’t know if that is necessarily unique to her. I liked being physically challenged. Multi session nights with being encouraged to go all out was definitely a workout in itself. I’m fairly confident I was able to break through that plateau in part because of that. When I think back to Mel, there was some of that too. The sessions weren’t immediately back to back… but there were still frequent and I never felt I had to hold back or hurry up.
I guess I still struggle with my Catholic upbringing. Catholism basically tried to ingrain the dogma that sex is bad except for procreation…and even then you shouldn’t enjoy it! I’m always feeling that background shame, coupled with a damaged self-worth that inhibits me from wanting to reach out and be affectionate.
I guess I miss expressing that part of myself.