I’m trying a new thing after a realization last night. Short of it is that after I saw Sara briefly after my SF session, and I wanted to be friendly and say hi. Besides her being unfairly cute (not necessarily in the sexy way), I appreciated her physical fitness and have been wanting to make more friends with people who care about their bodies. Anyhow…that voice interrupted in my head before I could say anything and made me believe that she (and anyone for that matter) would instantly dislike any attention from me specifically. So I did that “I got other stuff to do” routine and bailed.
As I walked, I started to think on why I think that way? Why is my gut reaction that no one wants to hear from me? Why can’t I flip that around and approach it from the angle that people actually want to hear from me? How can I fix the spectrum of my self-esteem to be on the positive rather than negative?
Sometime that same day, I was idly putzing around on OKC and noticed a new person on my list (because I haven’t been active in messaging or likes/dislikes, my list is normally static). Reading the profile, she seemed like someone I could have stimulating conversation with, and she was just interested in friends and did not care for hookups… which at this stage I really appreciate. The other thing I caught on to was the lack of overt negativity.
I thought more about that as I looked at other profiles and noted how many start by complaining about the kind of people they don’t like.
So I started thinking I should start positive and note my good traits. That, of course, is where I ran into problems. I don’t know how to write about myself in the positive all too well. And so, I’ll be creating a sticky post listing those traits, and positive things people have said about me. I’m going to pull a Pokemon and collect them all!
Maybe I can smother that darkness by overwhelming it with contradictory information. I’m sort of seeing the climax scene in “Flight of Dragons” with the bad guy being beat by math and logic.