6-4-19 feeling sad

I’m not sure why exactly. My wife’s health seems to be getting worse. She was complaining since at least Friday where I had to guilt her into just going on a mile hike on a nearby wooded trail. Saturday she babysat while I worked on as many chores as I could Saturday, including prepping meals for the week. This was so we could go to the Virginia Reinassance festival on Sunday. We did get to go. She wasn’t able to get her “too big” bodice to fit.

Monday evening she complains that she has a lot of sinus pressure and is getting dizzy spells. I skip my planned hike to keep an eye on her. I’m a bit concerned. I also noticed earlier her medication bottled had been empty for awhile. I’m not sure if dropping off Zoloft and buspar can cause those kinds of issues.

After last week’s financial fuck ups on her side, I clamped down on her ability to buy stuff on iTunes. I’m also regularly checking mint now with both of our accounts.

I know she has challenges right now. Work and school. Then the babysitter gig… which I’m starting to think I might need to put an end to. And this is where I’m starting to feel conflicted on how much control I should take. The ethics vs the practicality and frankly financial survival. She works those extra hours and puts herself in places where bad food options are all she has, and she does nothing else to take care of herself. I feel it will get to a critical point of no recovery if left to her own devices.

The long term plan was for her to finish school this year so that she can work somewhere that won’t constantly have her overworked and even work on holidays…plus shit for days off and sick days. She seems to feel it is more important for her to overwork because of her debts.

I need to setup a clear plan to follow. Maybe a financial advisor. Her overall unhappiness is making it hard for me to be happy around her.

So maybe this is why I’m sad. I feel like I’m going to have to be the jerk to get things on track. It flies in the face of modern sensibilities of ppl being responsible for themselves. Easy to say that when they don’t live my experience.

So reanalyze. Clamp down. Lay down path to better place. Keep cards out of her hands. Be prepared to tell others to fuck off.

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